just parker

the smovie

Hope it smoves you...

(if you can't see the smovie below, you can also watch it at SmileAndMove.com/video)

here's the deal

 

I'm sick and tired of those little chunks of dirt you feed me twice a day.

I don't care what the books tell you. I CAN taste food and it won't make me any fatter than you, @ss#ol&.

When you leave this house, I do NOT care. I will jump onto these counters and eat anything you mistakingly leave out. It's worth any wrath you could possibly dish out. I'm so sick of eating that tasteless crap... every... single... day.

All of you... constantly talking about this dish or that dish... in this fancy kitchen. I eat out of a bowl in the BATHROOM... from food that comes in 45 pound BAGS.

AM I a part of this family or not? Huh?!

I am NOT an animal.

-- Sesto 

 

be more amazed

4 minutes to kick off the week (tgim)...

.

Louis CK- Watch more Videos at Vodpod.

smile & move

Since releasing Smile & Move™ in November (my follow-up to 212), we've been having a ball creating a dictionary of words (a smictionary?). Something fun about the "sm" sound. (thanks to all our readers and smovers out there who've added to the fun)...

smove: ('smoov) verb: to smile & move  (Let's smove!)

smover: ('smoo-ver) noun: one who smiles & moves (Now that guy's a smover.)

smovement: ('smoov-ment) noun: an organized effort to create a world of smovers (Obviously what's happening here is a part of a smovement.)

smoved: ('smooved) verb: 1. to be positively affected by coming into contact with a smover or experiencing a smovish act 2. past tense of smove (We were so smoved when we checked into our hotel because everyone smoved at all moments.)

smovish: ('smoo-vish) adjective: having qualities that illustrate a smile & move character or demeanor (You want to hear something really smovish?)

smoment: ('smo-ment) noun:a point in time of a smovish experience (Isn't this a beautiful smoment?)

smission: ('smi-shun) noun: a specific smovish task with which a group or person is charged (We're on a smission and nothing can stop us.)

smeltdown: ('smelt-down) noun: a breakdown of smovish characteristics by smover (She obviously had smeltdown.)

smovology: (smoov-'a-la-jee) noun: a branch of knowledge that deals with smiling & moving (Are you taking smovology this semester?)

smovoscopy: (smoo-'vas-ko-pee) noun: endoscopic examination of the heart and mind for smovish characteristics (We're a little concerned with your approach to things lately so we've scheduled a smovoscopy for you later in the week.)

smovotomy: (smoo-'va-te-me) noun: surgical severance of any smovish characteristics (What an @ss#ol&! The guy must have had a smovotomy before he left the house today) smovectomy can be substituted

smulch: ('smulch) noun: a protective covering spread or thrown over a complainer or non-smover to prevent their negative attitude from spreading (It was a great meeting. We had to throw a little smulch in one area of the room but other than that, things went very well.)

Got an idea? (comment, please)

tgim

(don't know about Smile & Move™? a quick little excerpt after the jump or you can read the whole thing online at SmileAndMove.com)

freak show

farce: 4 a : a ridiculous or empty show b: mockery

AIG received has received more than $170 billion of our money we pay out of our paychecks to the government.

AIG is paying out $165 million in bonuses to the same people who put the company in a position to need bailout money.

“We cannot attract and retain the best and the brightest talent to lead and staff the A.I.G. businesses — which are now being operated principally on behalf of American taxpayers — if employees believe their compensation is subject to continued and arbitrary adjustment by the U.S. Treasury,” Liddy (government-appointed chair of AIG) said in a letter to Geithner (Treasury Secretary).

Bonuses will be paid to 400 employees, ranging from $1,000 to $6.5 million according to the NY Times. They say 7 people might get over $3 million in bonus money.

I don't like the idea of a bonus for poor performance regardless of the amount (maybe it was put in place by the same people who got trophies as kids just for playing) but I'm less bothered by those getting less than $10,000. I'm guessing those are the people who just did what they were told to do by the big dogs getting the big bonuses (of course, now it looks like maybe they shouldn't have).

If you're one of those big dogs, I wonder how you go to a dinner party and comfortably face your friends.

laugh & weep

A little sweet and sour video. It's got it all. (8.5 minutes)
 

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

CNBC Gives Financial Advice

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things With Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Joke of the Day

We need to wake up. We need to be obligated to truth.

(the Beale reference at the beginning is to the 1976 Oscar winner, Network)

(thanks Bill)

update: apparently this thing got big... here's Cramer being interviewed by Stewart... modern day Emperor's New Clothes

stimulus

It was the day after the State of the Union on CBS’s Early Show.

Vice President Biden was talking about his work in heading up the oversight taskforce of the stimulus funds. (Heading it up.)

The journalists at CBS gave him a little heat over his “Web Site Blunder” at the end of his talk and for his suggestion that people with stimulus package questions call his office directly. What they didn’t really address was his more important answer to the small business owners of America.
 
A question from a small business owner who had to lay off most of her staff last year...

“What I'm looking for are real clear details about how is the stimulus package really going to help small businesses.”

Being a part of a ‘small business’ myself (and a taxpayer), I’m excited to listen.

Biden: Well, there's a number of ways. It depends on what your business is. I would recommend that woman call my office directly and I will be able to guide her as to how what pieces of this package would be directly helpful to her.

[Um... Really, Joe?]

For example, it may very well be that she's in a circumstance where she is not able, her customers aren't able to get to her, there's no transit capability, the bridge going across the creek to get to her business needs repair.

[A bridge… across the creek… needs repair?]

It may very well be that she's in a position where she is unable to access, her energy costs are so high, by providing smart meters, by being able to bring down the cost of her workforce, I mean the cost of operating her business.

[What?]

But most importantly, where it's mainly going to come for the business people is getting credit flowing again. She probably has trouble maintaining inventory and paying salaries and that's because we gotta get the bank credit flowing and that's a second issue that the president spoke to.

But we're going to be very very demanding of the banks as we help them. We're going to demand that they act responsibly.

[Really? You’re going to ask them to work longer hours 6 - 7 days a week (like so many small businesses do to keep going) and not hoard the cash you (we) give them? And they’re going to do it?]

But she should call me directly.

[No… she shouldn’t.]

At the end of the talk, the journalist asked…

By the way, do you know the website [where people can “follow the money”]?

Biden: You know, I'm embarrassed.

You know the website number? (he asked of someone off camera) You know, I should have it in front of me and I don't. I'm actually embarrassed.

Journalist: I'm going to call your office later and get it.

Biden: Excuse me. It’s recovery.gov.

In his Inaugural address, the president inspired me with his call for initiative and responsibility.

That’s what’ll stimulate things. You… me… digging in, working harder, caring more, creating value in the world. Truth.

(fake money and bridges over creeks aren’t the solution)

tgim

 

the perfect storm?

I think I need to play this one.

 

Knowing my luck...

(update: as you might know by now, I didn't win... 5 tickets (30 numbers total)... not one number right... what are the odds of that?)